There are some topics families dread broaching during the holidays. For federal employees, reductions-in-force (RIFs) and government shutdown furloughs may be added to the list of tough topics to navigate this year. If you are dreading this topic, you are not alone. Here are some options for how to navigate this conversation this year.
Talking about career change: Why family conversations matter
Whether you are experiencing a workforce reduction, transitioning between industries, or determining your next steps, your family can serve as a valuable source of emotional support and practical guidance. Open, honest communication can help your loved ones understand your motivations, fears and aspirations as you navigate this transition. Changing careers in the current environment can be especially difficult, and navigating conversations about this transition may be different than previous career transition conversations you have had with family and friends. Having this conversation in a healthy way can make a difference in your mental state during an already complex time. This conversation does not have to lead to interpersonal conflicts or distress. Consider these tips when thinking about having the conversation.
1. Prepare for the conversation and remain constructive.
Have a plan. Being prepared will help you communicate your intentions clearly and confidently when you are ready to navigate career transition conversations. Before sitting down with your family for the holidays, take some time to reflect on how you want to have conversations about career transition with your family and keep these things in mind.
Your mental state. If you are struggling with negative thoughts, consider taking those thoughts captive and reframing them. For example, if you are thinking “This time last year I was talking about getting promoted, how can I tell my family I was a part of the RIF?” Consider reevaluating that thought. Remember that being a part of a recent RIF may not be indicative of your capability, performance or value to the organization.
Your disposition. Improve your disposition by implementing or increasing healthy habits. Getting proper sleep, exercise and diet throughout the holidays can improve your mood so that you can converse more positively, have the patience to deal with challenging family members, and approach tough conversations with a clear head.
Clearing your cognitive pallet: Limit influences that sour your mood. Feed your mind uplifting information and focus on things within your actual span of control. For example, you cannot control whether the government is open or remains closed, but you can control what you do with the time that you have during this furlough. Excepted employees still working can contribute to a supportive work environment by extending grace to fellow excepted employees each day at the office.
2. Choose the right time and setting.
Have the conversation when you are in the best mental space. If you are energized and positive upon arrival at family events, consider initiating the conversation early. If you prefer to incorporate the discussion into table chat or when the family has settled after dinner, plan to have the talk then.
If you prefer not to have the conversation during the holidays, consider discussing the transition during a designated family time. A 2023 Harvard Family Study found that families who engage in weekly meetings report 50% stronger emotional bonds compared to those who do not. If your family has designated quality time, this may be a better alternative than a holiday gathering. Holidays can be stressful and emotionally charged for some family members, making it difficult to have a healthy conversation.
3. Consider your communication strategy.
Consider with which family members it makes sense to have this conversation: Having unhealthy conversations may sap your energy and negatively affect your mood, so choose wisely. Decide how you plan to respond when you are invited to share information with the family or whether you want to initiate the talk. Having conversations with supportive family members can be helpful and cathartic. You may even find more support than you anticipated when you are open and honest.
Remember that “open and honest” is not “open kimono”: Discussing a career transition with those other than your spouse does not require a detailed account of your personal and private matters. Acknowledging this as a “challenging time of transition” may be sufficient. Resist the temptation to invite family members into the intricacies of your marriage, bedroom or finances.
Consider the outcomes you want from the conversation. Jot down key points to help you stay focused during the discussion. For example, if you do not want to have the conversation repeatedly, carve out a specific time to share what you are comfortable sharing and close the conversation with something like, “That’s all I have to share about that.” As the questions come throughout the holidays, refer to when you will discuss or when you already discussed the topic. Here is an example: Uncle Bill says, “I heard you were let go, I thought you were doing well there, what happened?” Consider responding with a closed statement like, “We talked about it before dinner,” or “I plan to talk about it after dinner.”
Tailor the talk to your comfort level: You could share something like, “As some of you may know, [organization] conducted a RIF this year. My division was a part of that RIF. That is all I have to share about that.” If your family is helpful, you may want to add something like, “However, I am interested in learning about options if you have job leads or opportunities for me to continue using my skills and expertise in [career area].” Let your family know if you are seeking new challenges, personal fulfillment or better work-life balance if you feel that they can help. Honest communication can help build trust and understanding, and could even help you land your next job.
4. Listen to their concerns and neutralize criticism.
Your family may have questions or worries about finances, stability or future plans. Listen attentively and acknowledge their feelings. Let them know you value their opinions and support. This may sound something like, “I hear you. I am thinking about those things, too. I appreciate your concern and appreciate your support during this transition.” If the conversation is not constructive consider closing it with something like, “I’ve heard you,” or “We’ve heard you.”
5. Share your plan.
If your family is supportive, broadly discuss how you plan to approach your career transition. Outline steps you will take, such as updating your skills, networking, or seeking guidance from mentors. Sharing your plan demonstrates responsibility and helps alleviate uncertainty. You may share varying levels of detail with different family members based on the relationship or their ability to help.
5. Invite support and collaboration.
Ask your family for their support and input. Whether it is helping with research, offering encouragement, or brainstorming together, involving them in the process can strengthen your bond and make the transition smoother. This may need to be tailored for certain family members if family dynamics are complex.
7. Keep the conversation going.
Career transitions are ongoing journeys. Keep your family updated on your progress, celebrate small victories, and address new challenges together. Regular check-ins can help maintain open lines of communication and foster a supportive environment. If your family is incapable or unwilling to be supportive through this transition, consider keeping the conversation going with a supportive group of friends, former co-workers or faith community. Support systems are not exclusive to biological families.
Don’t go it alone
Talking with your family about a career transition is an opportunity to build a foundation of understanding and support. With preparation, empathy and honest dialogue, you can navigate this change together and set the stage for a successful new chapter.
It is important to recognize that each career journey presents its own distinct challenges and opportunities. This time of transition is significant and anomalous in many ways, so you may have trepidation about having career transition conversations. Consider seeking support and guidance from family members, friends, and current and former colleagues as you pursue new endeavors. You do not have to traverse this transition alone.
Jamel Harling is an executive coach, ombuds and advisor at Better Than Good Solutions.
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