American culture changes at a breakneck pace — just ask fans of Stanley cups and skinny jeans in 2024. But over the past decades, one mantra hasn’t changed much: Don’t talk about your personal finances. Today, money is such an awkward topic that only 38 percent of U.S. adults feel comfortable discussing their bank account balances with family and close friends, according to Bankrate’s new Financial Taboos Survey.
It’s normal to feel anxious at the thought of discussing your financial situation. But open conversations about money can be a powerful tool to help you learn more about your finances. If you ask common financial questions, like how to use credit card rewards or how to save more, you may be surprised how often you get helpful advice from those around you.
Bankrate’s latest data breaks down exactly how Americans feel about discussing their finances, especially this upcoming holiday season — and we explain how you can approach uncomfortable conversations about lending money.
It’s important to take the stigma out of discussing money matters. Not that you need to bare all of your financial details to strangers, but especially with people we’re close to, it’s good to be able to talk about things like your money goals and anxieties.
— Ted Rossman, Bankrate Senior Credit Card Analyst
Younger generations are more comfortable talking about money than older generations
People don’t like to talk about money, even with those closest to them. Less than 2 in 5 (38 percent) Americans are comfortable discussing their bank account balances with family and close friends, a smaller percentage than those who would feel comfortable discussing details of their love life (47 percent), credit card debt (52 percent), weight (71 percent), political views (78 percent), religious views (81 percent) or health (81 percent):
Source: Bankrate survey, August 28-30, 2024
Note: Percentages may not total 100% due to rounding.
Generally, older generations are more reluctant to talk about money than younger generations. For example, around half of Gen Zers (52 percent) and over 2 in 5 millennials (44 percent) are comfortable sharing their bank account balances with family members and close friends, compared to 34 percent of Gen Xers and 29 percent of baby boomers.
Additionally, 57 percent of Gen Zers and 55 percent of millennials would be comfortable sharing information about their credit card debt with family members and close friends, compared to 48 percent of Gen Xers and 50 percent of baby boomers.
Learn the basics
Credit cards are easy to use, but figuring out how interest or cash advances work can be challenging. If you feel you can’t talk about money with your friends or family, but want to learn more about credit cards, Bankrate’s credit card basics guide can help get you started.
During the holidays, giving financial assistance is more common than asking for help
With the holiday season just around the corner, dinner table conversations will likely be about anything but money. Only 14 percent of people say money is a normal discussion topic at holiday gatherings with friends or family.
If money does come up, it can be uncomfortable: 10 percent of people say friends and family members often ask them awkward money questions around the holidays:
Source: Bankrate survey, August 28-30, 2024
Note: Respondents could select more than one option.
Some people help their loved ones financially during the holidays, but few people say they ask for help themselves. Nearly 1 in 5 (19 percent) people have given financial assistance to a friend or family member at a holiday gathering, while only 9 percent of people have asked for financial assistance from a friend or family member at a holiday gathering. A slim percentage (8 percent) of people say they’re worried about a family member or friend’s financial situation and plan to discuss it with them this holiday season.
Also, millennials and Gen Zers seem to be more likely than older generations to encounter money discussions at holiday gatherings. A quarter (25 percent) of Gen Zers and 18 percent of millennials say money is a normal discussion topic at holiday gatherings with friends and family, compared to 11 percent of Gen Xers and 7 percent of baby boomers.
Is regifting ever acceptable?
Regifting is typically a financial taboo — but it’s more common than you may think. One-third (33 percent) of people say regifting holiday gifts is an acceptable practice, and 30 percent of people say they have re-gifted something they received as a holiday gift.
Baby boomers are the most likely generation to say regifting holiday gifts is an acceptable practice:
- Gen Zers: 22 percent
- Millennials: 32 percent
- Gen Xers: 33 percent
- Baby boomers: 39 percent
Lending money is common — but so is not getting paid back
Relatively few people give financial assistance to loved ones during the holidays, but a higher percentage loan money out throughout the year. Half (50 percent) of U.S. adults have lent money to someone with the expectation of being paid back, according to Bankrate. Similarly, 32 percent of people have paid for a group expense (for example, a restaurant bill, event tickets or a group gift) with the expectation of being paid back.
Lending money to a friend or covering a group purchase is generous, but it can also have unintended consequences. People who have lent money or paid for a group expense with the expectation of being paid back have lost money (42 percent), harmed the relationship with the person (24 percent), damaged their credit score (9 percent) or even gotten into a physical altercation (4 percent):
Source: Bankrate survey, August 28-30, 2024
Note: Percentages are of U.S. adults who have lent money to someone and/or paid for a group expense with the expectation of being paid back; Respondents could select more than one option.
*Nothing bad has occurred to me as a result of lending money and/or paying for a group expense.
Compared to other generations, millennials (ages 28-43) are most likely to have been burned — nearly two-thirds (62 percent) who lent money and/or paid for a group expense with the expectation of being paid back experienced a negative outcome as a result. That’s more than 53 percent of Gen Zers (ages 18-27), 54 percent of Gen Xers (ages 28-43) and 51 percent of baby boomers (ages 60-78).
Most commonly, millennials who lent money and/or paid for a group expense with the expectation of being paid back lost money:
- Lost money: 48 percent
- Harmed the relationship with the person: 28 percent
- Damaged credit score: 12 percent
- Got into a physical altercation: 7 percent
- Some other negative impact: 2 percent
3 tips to consider when lending money
When you lend money to a friend or family member, you hope you’ll get the money back shortly after. Unfortunately, it’s not always that straightforward. Consider these three tips the next time you lend money to someone or cover the bill during an outing.
1. Adjust your expectations.
Lending money to a friend or family member can be uncomfortable, but asking repeatedly for the money back can feel even worse. If you’re going to loan money, it might be helpful to change how you think of the loan.
“Lending money to family and friends represents a potentially sticky situation,” Bankrate Senior Industry Analyst Ted Rossman says. “First of all, don’t lend more than you can afford to lose. Second, consider treating the money as a gift rather than a loan.”
Before you loan money to someone, ask yourself if you’re willing to consider the funds a gift, not a loan, in case the person is unable to pay you back. Make sure you can afford to take the hit if you never see the funds again.
2. Offer alternatives.
If you’re reluctant to loan money, Rossman suggests offering to help in a different way, such as by offering advice, like how to earn extra money on the side. Or, if the person is looking for a job with a higher salary, offer connections, like an introduction to someone in your network.
If you don’t feel confident giving someone else financial advice, Bankrate has the latest guides on common financial problems, such as what to do if you run into a financial emergency. Or, consider pointing someone to sources of free financial advice, like their bank or credit union, budgeting apps or local organizations.
3. Use a bill-splitting app.
You don’t need to hound everyone for their contribution the next time you pick up the tab. Instead, consider a free bill-splitting app, which takes the work out of having to figure out who pays what. Splitwise is one of the most common apps for splitting everything from restaurant bills to monthly expenses, but other apps include Tab and Tricount.
Most bill-splitting apps offer the ability to upload expenses and bills, calculate who owes what and allow you send requests directly through the app. You can also use them to settle expenses with roommates or your partner, so you can worry more about who’s doing the dishes, and less about who’s behind on utilities.
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