Jennifer Lopez is getting candid about her turbulent summer.
The multi-hyphenate sat for her first in-depth interview since splitting with husband Ben Affleck by joining red-hot stand-up Nikki Glaser for a conversation to promote her upcoming film Unstoppable. Lopez covers the special fall anniversary issue of Interview and inside she opens up about the personal rollercoaster of the past few months that included back-to-back-to-back releases of an album This is Me…Now, a companion film and behind-the-scenes documentary, intense tabloid scrutiny of the marriage, the public split and a wave of backlash and criticism online.
“It was like my whole fucking world exploded,” Lopez said in recapping the year. Moments later, she continued: “I think what I love about life, that there’s no arrival point. There’s only getting better and growing if you want to. It’s either growing or dying, and I don’t want to do the dying part. And yeah, there’s times when I thought I figured it out, and then life goes, ‘Let’s send you another thing and see if you fall for it. Let’s see if you really have learned that lesson.’ And I hadn’t. I understand that now in a much deeper way, which doesn’t mean that I won’t make mistakes in the future, but again, when your whole house blows up, you’re standing there in the rubble going, ‘How do I not ever let that happen again?’”
Because she hadn’t learned those lessons, Lopez opted to spend time alone this summer though she said it was a “fucking hard” experience. “It feels lonely, unfamiliar, scary. It feels sad. It feels desperate. But when you sit in those feelings and go, ‘These things are not going to kill me,’ it’s like actually, I am capable of joy and happiness all by myself. Being in a relationship doesn’t define me. I can’t be looking for happiness in other people. I have to have happiness within myself. I used to say I’m a happy person, but was still looking for something for somebody else to fill, and it’s just like, ‘No, I’m actually good.’”
Lopez doubled down on that and said, “I’m not looking for anybody.” Glaser then asked if that’s the first time she’s been able to say that as a single woman and she responded with a resounding, “Yes!” Later in the conversation, she posed a question to herself about riding solo right now: “What can I fucking do when it’s just me flying on my own? What if I’m just free?”
“I know that everything that’s being written and said about me, and all the conjecture of who I am as a person, is not who I am. I learned that a long time ago. And social media, because it came along after I had been in the public eye for a while, I don’t take it as seriously as everybody else. I know I’m a good person. I know I’m a good mom. I know who my friends are. I know my friends know who I am, my mom, my dad, all that stuff,” she said. “If you hope to have a long career, you have to learn how to deal with that part of the business. Some people are going to love you and some are not going to understand you, and some people just want to hate you to hate you, and none of that really matters.”
That said, Lopez was quick to point out that she’s not completely immune to the criticism. “Please don’t get me wrong, if I see something that’s hurtful, I’m not Teflon.”
Amid the turbulent summer, Lopez canceled the tour by stating that she wanted to spend time with her children, family and close friends though multiple reports claimed that she backed out due to low ticket sales. In the chat, she revealed more about the decision. “I can’t wait to get back out there. I have the most understanding and loving fans in the world. Some fan bases can be spicy. Mine are just a bunch of lovers. I was so devastated to let anybody down, but I just needed to be with my kids and myself and really dig down deep into things that were happening in my life. And I’m glad I did, because it was a really difficult time for me. Probably the hardest time of my life, but it was also the best time because I got to do that work on myself.”
The conversation happened right after the world premiere of Unstoppable at the Toronto International Film Festival, which was also attended by Judy Robles, the real-life woman Lopez plays in the film. “There’s just something different about playing real people. Sometimes you play characters, and it’s all fictional and you can really emulate the type of person you think it is. But meeting Judy and speaking to her about her struggles of having a child so young, and then him being born without a leg and what that meant, and how she carried with her that it was her fault, and then her feeling of not being good enough, and then her son inspiring her—when you see the movie and you see what happens at the end, it’s fucking mind-blowing what the human spirit can overcome.”