We’re all prisoners of the cultures we grow up in. Families, friends, neighborhoods, faith communities — all influence us, shaping our thoughts, attitudes and behavior before we can do anything about it, even before we’re aware. If we’re raised in a cult, our thinking will be cultish. To really control ourselves, we must understand this and consciously choose who we are.
Last month on FaVS News, I commented on the importance of encouraging kids to think for themselves. That post mentioned two women who, as girls, were molested by male peers and church officials. The victims had learned from the culture they were immersed in to respect and trust authority.
But when they reported their molestations to trusted adults, those victims were somehow made to feel guilty themselves for what had happened to them. Years later, as young adults, the victims were able to break free of their guilt, but lasting harm had been done.
Children are curious. They begin asking “why?” at around age 2. They continue asking for a few years as their brains develop. Why do they stop? One reason is negative feedback from adults who discourage curiosity, who tell a child that questions are not welcome.
Children instinctively want adult approval. Negative feedback can produce guilt in a child who legitimately asks for explanations. It reduces that child’s ability to question any authority — parents, clergy, teachers. Negative responses stifle a child’s natural curiosity, an essential component of human development, the ability to think independently.
A child thus stifled may eventually withdraw, stop enquiring, seek guidance from peers, and possibly rebel. Such withdrawal prevents children from seeking wisdom from elders — those same parents, clergy and teachers. Elder wisdom, though not infallible, can guide a child along productive pathways, especially when offered with love. When a child withdraws and rebels, it can ruin that child’s life for decades, possibly forever.
Learning to think independently at an early age is critical. Many parents believe they know best for their children, and they may. Parents’ mature experience can make this true, but not always. Cutting off our children’s questions risks cutting off our children themselves. They’ll always find answers elsewhere.
Recently I received an email from an evangelical Christian friend. She said that for several years she had attended a church where girls had been molested. It was where Jesus “found” her, and she, him. She was married in that church. “I think now I was in a cult,” she wrote.