“Help! I have a crush on my TA (we are both 4th years chilllll) should I ask her out?”
— A down-bad dude
I can’t say that I’ve been there, but here at Lifestyle, we listen and we don’t judge! But I can guarantee you that this is far from a unique experience, so fret no more. After collecting the shared wisdom of those that have faced this dilemma before, here’s how you should handle the situation.
First and foremost, let’s address the troubling teacher-student dynamic here. Anyone — especially the commenters on those infamous UC San Diego subreddit posts — can tell you that being romantically involved with the person who grades your exams will not only raise eyebrows, but also ethical concerns.
So, since there’s only a few more weeks left of the quarter, I strongly advise you to hold off on asking her out. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to add any more to the stress she probably carries from her long hours of grading your work. Instead, keep things friendly and focus on your class for the time being! After all, we just passed the middle mark of the quarter, so it’s in your best interest to stay on top of your course work. Besides, this is UCSD, maybe she’ll be attracted to the quality of your assignments. Kidding! But that would definitely be one way — out of many — to make an impression.
That said, there are better ways to make yourself stand out, of course, while still centering your academics and respecting boundaries. For instance, it’s likely that your TA has multiple sections, each with about 20 to 30 students, but let’s be real, how many of your classmates regularly show up? If you haven’t already, make yourself one of the few. And don’t just sit there! Answer her questions and ask a few of your own. Not only will this make you more recognizable, but it’ll help you digest lecture material before your next midterm!
At the end of the quarter — once grades are in — if these feelings are still there, it’s your call. I would recommend just asking for a casual meetup via email over requesting to follow her on Instagram — even if you have mutuals — as it’s less intrusive. Ideally, she would already know you by name, but just to be safe, introduce yourself first and say how you know each other in your email. And if you’re afraid of coming off as too forward, add that you would like to continue the conversations you may have had in office hours. Nonetheless, don’t be overbearing, just keep it sweet and easy to reject. I highly recommend making your intentions known from the start, as it’s likely that she sees this as solely professional. On another note, if you are in similar areas of study, this would also be a great opportunity to expand your network and knowledge on your field of interest!
In the end, whether she’s up for it or not — because it is entirely her decision — I can assure you that your efforts won’t go to waste. It might have helped you secure a date or just a new LinkedIn connection. Or perhaps with all that extra listening and engaging you did, you even got yourself that A.