Teaching your kids how to be self-sufficient, especially in a conflict, can help them gain confidence and increase their likelihood of success, experts say.
Just ask Vice President and democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris. From a young age, her mother Shyamala Gopalan Harris taught her to reflect on conflicts to figure out how she could have contributed to or solved the problem, Harris said on an episode of the Call Her Daddy podcast last week.
“Every time I came home with a problem, the first thing my mother would do … [is ask] ‘What did you do?'” Harris told the podcast’s host Alex Cooper. “I realized she was actually teaching me to think about where you had agency in that moment and think about what you had the choice to do or not to do.”
The lesson taught Harris she could independently solve problems, and that she could almost always find a way to take control of a moment, she added.
Parenting experts agree: Showing your children you trust them to try to tackle their own problems can make them feel more confident in their own capabilities — as long as you can find a balance between holding your children accountable without being overly harsh.
“When you trust kids to make their own decisions, they start to feel more engaged, confident and empowered. And once that happens, there’s no limit to what they can achieve,” author and parenting expert Esther Wojcicki wrote for Make It in 2022.
Studies show self-confidence is a key element in children’s future success, too. It can affirm that their abilities will lead to positive outcomes, whether it’s in athletics, the classroom or in establishing healthy relationships.
Another way to build agency and confidence: encouraging your kids to stand up for what they believe in. Harris translated what she learned from her mother into her career as a prosecutor. She used her own voice to help others who may not have as much control over their own lives, she said on the podcast.
“It was really about wanting to protect the most vulnerable, and where they did not have the power … because they were the subject of an imbalance of power,” Harris said. “A lot of the work that I’ve done has been wanting to restore, to the extent that I can play a role in, their right to have justice.”
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