I was conversing with an 80-year-old neighbor recently who taught and coached for decades in public schools in New York City and here in Virginia. When I mentioned having taught seminars in literature, history, and Latin to homeschoolers, he instantly brought up socialization, a word I’ve heard linked to homeschoolers since my wife and I began educating our oldest child at home 40 years ago.
“Homeschoolers shouldn’t go to public school when they get older,” he said, and I’m paraphrasing. “They’ve missed out on socialization. They’ve been with their moms, and then they’re put into school where there’s bullying and cursing. It even starts in kindergarten now around here, from what friends tell me. They’re just not equipped socially to handle that.”
As I’ve done on many other occasions, I defended homeschoolers against this supposed lack of social skills, pointing out that while they spend part of their days with their mothers or fathers and siblings, they also had friends, interacted with various adults, and participated in activities outside the home, like ballet, soccer, seminars like mine, and dual-enrollment classes at the community college.
But what I wanted to do was burst out laughing. Why on earth would any parent want their children “socialized” in a culture of bullying and obscenities?
Are there homeschoolers who are shy and quiet around others? Sure there are, just as there are public school kids who are bashful. Are there homeschoolers who may not know how to respond to a bully or a potty-mouth? Affirmative, just as there are public school students who suffer the brunt of these vices.
Are homeschoolers angels in the classroom? Yes and no. Having taught in a North Carolina prison for 18 months, a public school for roughly the same amount of time, and almost 20 years in my homeschooling seminars, I can say, and have often said, that the homeschool seminars were a teacher’s heaven compared to prisons and public school. Moreover, if someone offered me a choice between teaching in prison and public schools, prison would win hands down. Those guys wanted to be in class.
The trouble with the word socialization is its usage. Though people like my neighbor deploy the word as a plus, it’s really a neutral term, as may be seen in these two definitions from the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary: “the process beginning during childhood by which individuals acquire the values, habits, and attitudes of a society” and “social interaction with others.”
In the first case, socialization comes without reference to positives or negatives. Yet what if the values and beliefs of the society in question are destructive to the human spirit? Put an ordinary man in prison, for instance, and we would expect him to absorb the mores of that society, which would likely make him more like a criminal rather than less. He’s socialized, but in all the wrong ways. Put a child into a third-grade classroom, and the influence he’ll receive depends on the cultural and family backgrounds of his peers.
As to the second definition, search online for “Are homeschoolers socialized?” and you’ll find an overwhelming number of affirmatives. Often, in fact, they’re better equipped to handle a variety of situations for the reason I’ve already cited: they spend their days interacting with a range of people of all ages and backgrounds while students in a formal school setting are restricted to the company of others their own age.
Of course, these days the socialization of elementary-age students and teens depends as well on screens and phones as on a classroom, whether in a school or a living room. A 2025 Pew Research Center reports that 96% of teens are on the internet daily, with 46% of those phones and computers in use “almost constantly.” From that same year, a Common Sensesurvey found that about one in four children own cell phones by the age of eight.
For better and for worse, social media, podcasters, and other influencers will be primary players in that process “by which individuals acquire the values, habits, and attitudes of a society.”
It’s not a question of whether the young will become socialized, but how and to what part of our fragmented culture they’re directed. This is where parents are key in passing along a healthy and productive framework of socialization, which includes treating others with respect, building a network of reliable friends, and being able to discern truth from falsehood, good people and virtue from bad people and vice.
Or in the words of Rocky Balboa to Little Marie in the first “Rocky” movie: “You hang out with nice people, you get nice friends, you understand? You hang out with smart people, you get smart friends. You hang out with yo-yo people, you get yo-yo friends. You see, it’s simple mathematics.”
There’s the lesson, pure and simple, for parents and mentors imparting the skills of socialization. Teach the kids manners and respect for others. Then direct them to worthy friends and steer them away from the yo-yos, whether they’re online or in a schoolroom.
Jeff Minick is a father of four and grandfather to many. A former history, literature, and Latin teacher, Jeff now writes prolifically for The Epoch Times, American Essence Magazine, and several other publications.
This culture article was made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal, a project of 1819 News. To comment on this article, please email [email protected]. The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policy or position of 1819 News.
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