Kayla Wikaryasz-News Staff Writer
Hook-up culture was once propagated to women and men as a way to live freely, independently, and in alignment with their own desires.
However, what was once a liberating movement for young people has now become an infection that is rotting my generation from the inside out.
As the pendulum has swung as far forward as it has, it shall swing equally as far backwards.
Romance died a long time ago
Romance was wounded with the advent of social media and has since collapsed since abstract sins such as “micro-cheating,” “delivered wars,” and “ghosting” have soured the joy of meeting new suitors. As Gen Z is more concerned than ever with abstract transgressions, they’ve let the importance of building solid, loving relationships fall to the way-side. Actually, they’ve let those values fall off the cliff-side.
As a young person seeking a partner to marry, settle down, and have kids with, it is disheartening how the dating experience is first vetted through dating platforms (i.e., hook-up apps) such as Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, et cetera. I’ve discovered in the last year that many of these platforms are ground zero for icky interactions with people who think that relationships can exist in exclusively virtual spaces.
Where is intentionality in the 2020s
My parents’ generation found their respective partners at big, blow-out parties held in the middle of the woods or at bars.
Bar hopping has definitely gone out of vogue, and I’m not a “big party” type of person so hanging out downtown to bump into my future husband isn’t really attractive to me.
Therefore, where do I go next?
I find that this is a common issue with my generation, as many of us prefer quiet, intentional spaces — maybe this is why many of us gravitate towards dating apps? However, to actually make connections, we must first invite guests into these quiet spaces. That requires the invitee to actually make the request and for the invited to actually say, “yes.”
This is the crux of the issue, in which I am guilty of sabotaging both scenarios — so perhaps this entire essay is credit-less.
We must make ourselves attractive to ourselves
Hook-up culture has been so successful because it allows us to create hyper-idealized versions of ourselves to market to the masses. The issue here is that there will be no connection if there is no vulnerability.
Brené Brown has a good quote in her “The Call to Courage” Netflix special in which she said that posting pictures of yourself in a bikini on social media is not showing vulnerability.
In contrast, vulnerability is a gift to be given to those who are receptive and who will cherish that gift. Those deserving will see your vulnerability as a piece of yourself that is precious like a rare mineral. When flaunted for the world to nibble on and to waste, your vulnerability becomes degraded and less valuable – your essence, therefore, becomes less than.
How can my generation expect our future partners to respect us if we do not first respect ourselves?
That may mean we will have to delete the hook-up apps so we don’t have a trail of baggage to carry to each new relationship.
Ditch dating apps and aim for greater love stories
Brontë-sister-lore and nostalgia of great love stories of the past has flooded mainstream algorithms these past few weeks. Women and men are calling out on social media for love like our grandparents had, who sustained long marriages through times of true poverty and war. Women and men are further looking to the male- and female-archetypes of regency and Victorian gothic literature for guidance, prompted by the success Guillermo del Toro’s version of Mary Shelly’s “Frankenstein” on Netflix, and the highly-anticipated “Wuthering Heights” by Emerald Fennell and Luc Besson’s “Dracula: A Love Tale.”
Toro’s success with “Frankenstein,” and the themes of simple, unconditional love that are woven through his adaptation, proves that Gen Z is tired of passive, lackluster, non-committal love. Great love stories of the past are making a comeback because hook-up culture is withering away – and as it should.