NEED TO KNOW
- A woman says a friend recently admitted that she “doesn’t like, let alone love, her husband”
- The friend told her that she’s staying in the marriage in part for the “lifestyle,” which the woman said she finds “shallow”
- The woman shared her story in an online community, asking others if she was justified in judging her friend’s secret
A woman says she “can’t help” but “judge” a friend who admitted she doesn’t love her husband.
The woman detailed her experience on the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com. In her post, the woman shared that one of her friends recently confessed that “doesn’t like, let alone love, her husband.”
She went on to say that the friend told her she only stays in the relationship because she “likes the lifestyle” and “doesn’t want [her] kids affected.”
“She said she has felt this way for a while and needed to offload and begged me not to judge her, but I can’t help it,” the original poster (OP) admitted.
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In a follow-up comment, the woman clarified that she thinks staying with a partner to maintain a “lifestyle” is “shallow.”
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“Her husband is really good friends with my partner and I feel awful for him. I suggested she should tell him and maybe go to couples therapy […],” she continued.
A number of post commenters said they thought the OP is, in fact, being unreasonable for judging a friend for sharing a vulnerable secret.
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“So what she doesn’t want to lose the lifestyle that she has become accustomed to? There is nothing [wrong] in admitting that,” one person said.
“Historically, marriages have almost always been about alliances, practicality and/or finances, love and attraction being bonuses,” said someone else.
Others noted that they thought the friend’s situation is likely extremely common among married couples.
“I reckon this is really, really common. More so than anyone would admit. I also think there are a lot of women staying in bad marriages because they don’t trust their man to look after the kids properly on their own,” said someone else.
Another person, however, agreed with the OP and said they believed the friend should be honest with her husband and give him a chance to find someone who truly loves him.
“It’s one step away from prostitution in my book. She should at least be honest with him instead of using up his life,” they said.