Dr. David Poon thought dietary differences were something he and his girlfriend could work through. “When we first met she said, ‘I can only date a vegan.’ I said we’d work it out,” he told CBC News. Seven years later, they broke up. During their relationship, Poon tried going vegan but found himself craving childhood comfort foods like Spam. The moment they separated, he ate a can of it—not because it was good, he admitted, but because it reminded him of being a kid.
Poon’s story isn’t unique. Across online forums, support groups, and research studies, similar narratives emerge: relationships that survived job losses, family dramas, and health crises suddenly fracturing over what’s on the dinner plate. While no comprehensive statistics exist specifically tracking divorce rates among vegan/non-vegan couples, the evidence suggests dietary differences have become a significant source of relationship conflict in an era of increasing ethical consumption.
The Numbers Tell a Story
The scope of the challenge becomes clear when examining the numbers. According to Faunalytics research, social pressures—particularly from romantic partners and family members—are among the primary reasons people abandon plant-based diets. The organization’s data shows that those who lack support from their immediate social circle are significantly more likely to return to eating animal products.
A 2022 survey of 2,000 UK adults revealed the dating landscape for those with dietary restrictions: vegans are almost four times more likely than meat eaters to have dated someone with a different diet (33.9% vs 13.6%), and nearly four times as likely to have been in a relationship with someone following a different diet (38.7% vs 10.3%). This isn’t surprising given that vegans represent a small percentage of the population, but it highlights the frequency with which these dietary mismatches occur.
The same study found that over half of vegans (52.6%) admitted they would be less attracted to someone because of their diet—the highest percentage among all dietary groups surveyed. Only 34.7% of vegetarians felt similarly, while meat eaters were least likely to have their attraction affected by a partner’s food choices.
Perhaps most tellingly, the research on former vegetarians and vegans reveals a pattern. The often-cited (though methodologically debated) statistic that 84% of vegetarians and vegans eventually return to eating meat gains new context when we understand that relationship pressure plays a significant role in these reversions.
Beyond the Dinner Table
To understand why dietary differences can destroy otherwise strong relationships, we need to look at research on how couples navigate food choices. Sociologists Jeffrey Sobal and Carole Bisogni identified several patterns in how couples manage dietary differences. Some achieve “symmetrical convergence,” where both partners compromise equally. Others experience “asymmetrical convergence,” with one person making most of the adjustments. Most challenging are what researchers call “food projects”—when one partner actively tries to change the other’s diet. These typically involve “harping and nagging” and often breed resentment.
The gender dynamics add another layer of complexity. Research by Lynne Brown and Daisy Miller found that in relationships with traditional gender roles, wives tend to sacrifice their food preferences to accommodate their husbands, especially when the wife does most of the cooking. Only in relationships where both partners held egalitarian views did food preferences get negotiated more equally.
But veganism introduces unique challenges that go beyond typical food preferences. Unlike being gluten-free or disliking seafood, veganism often stems from deeply held ethical beliefs about animal suffering, environmental destruction, and justice. This transforms every meal into a potential moral battlefield.
The Moral Universe Divide
“Conflicts don’t get out of hand unless they breach somebody’s moral views,” psychologist Jeannine Crofton told CBC News. “It’s about, ‘if you don’t believe the same way I do, then what does that say about us as a couple?'”
This moral dimension distinguishes veganism from other dietary choices. When one partner sees eating animals as participating in unnecessary cruelty, while the other sees it as normal and natural, they’re not just disagreeing about dinner—they’re operating from fundamentally different ethical frameworks.
Sam, a vegan blogger who writes for Jacked on the Beanstalk, described ending an eight-month relationship with someone she’d known since childhood, someone her family and friends approved of, someone who “made me feel like a princess.” But she couldn’t reconcile her veganism with his meat-eating. “I’ll never regret my decision to be vegan,” she wrote, “but having just ended yet another relationship due to veganism, I question ‘is compassion a relationship killer?'”
The psychological toll manifests in unexpected ways. Partners report feeling judged for their food choices, even when no explicit criticism is voiced. The mere presence of vegan food in the refrigerator can feel like silent condemnation. One woman described how her boyfriend would make defensive comments like “I can’t wait to buy meat” whenever she cooked a particularly good vegan meal, as if her culinary success threatened his identity.
The Daily Friction Points
Beyond the philosophical divide, mixed-diet couples face countless practical challenges. Grocery shopping becomes complicated when one person’s staples are another’s ethical violations. Cooking doubles in complexity—either making separate meals or finding dishes that can be made vegan with meat added separately. Restaurant selection narrows dramatically, especially in areas with limited vegan options.
These daily negotiations wear on relationships. As one contributor to a No Meat Athlete forum explained, her partner blamed her health issues on her vegan diet, saying he “doesn’t support it” and describing her carefully prepared meals as “bland” or “just okay.”
The challenges intensify around family gatherings and holidays. Traditional meals become battlegrounds between respecting family customs and maintaining ethical commitments. In-laws may view veganism as a rejection of family traditions or an implicit criticism of their values.
Children complicate matters further. Couples who managed to navigate their dietary differences often find them insurmountable when deciding how to raise kids. Will the children be raised vegan? What happens at birthday parties? How do you explain to a five-year-old why Mommy won’t eat what Daddy’s eating? These questions force couples to confront whether their compromise has been masking fundamental incompatibility.
When Love Isn’t Enough
The relationship guidance for mixed-diet couples often focuses on practical solutions: separate shelves in the refrigerator, cooking meals that can be customized, finding vegan-friendly restaurants. But these band-aid solutions don’t address the deeper rift.
Melanie Joy, author of “Beyond Beliefs: A Guide to Improving Relationships and Communication for Vegans, Vegetarians, and Meat Eaters,” offers more substantive guidance. She emphasizes that both veganism and carnism (the belief system that conditions people to eat certain animals) are powerful ideologies that shape how we see the world. Without understanding these underlying belief systems, couples end up fighting about symptoms rather than causes.
Some couples do make it work. They succeed through a combination of mutual respect, clear boundaries, and often, gradual change. One vegan reported that it took “10-20 offers” before her boyfriend tried her green smoothies, and months more before he recognized how good they made him feel. Patience, rather than pressure, created space for authentic change.
But success stories often involve the non-vegan partner eventually adopting plant-based eating, at least partially. This raises uncomfortable questions: Is it fair to stay in a relationship hoping your partner will change? Is it settling to accept a partner whose daily choices violate your deepest values?
The Broader Implications
The vegan/non-vegan relationship dynamic reflects broader tensions in modern partnerships. As individual identity becomes increasingly tied to consumption choices—from the cars we drive to the clothes we wear—romantic relationships must navigate more potential conflicts. Veganism is perhaps the most intense example because it touches on ethics, health, environment, and identity simultaneously.
The rise in these relationship conflicts also reflects veganism’s transformation from fringe movement to mainstream option. As more people adopt plant-based diets for health, environmental, or ethical reasons, more couples will face these negotiations. The old model of one partner (usually the wife) adapting to the other’s food preferences becomes less tenable when the stakes feel morally absolute.
For those in mixed-diet relationships, the path forward requires radical honesty. Can you genuinely respect a partner whose daily choices violate your core values? Can you build a life with someone whose worldview differs so fundamentally from yours? These questions don’t have easy answers, but avoiding them only delays the reckoning.
As Dr. Poon reflected on his failed relationship, he offered hard-won wisdom: “I would strongly recommend that couple sit down early on and really understand each other’s perspective.” He admitted he was wrong when he told his girlfriend they could simply “work it out.” Some differences run too deep for love alone to bridge.
The couples who survive these transitions do so not by minimizing the significance of dietary choices, but by acknowledging their full weight—and choosing to build bridges anyway. But for many, the discovery that they inhabit different moral universes proves too much to overcome. In the end, the question isn’t really whether vegans and non-vegans can share a meal. It’s whether they can share a life.