7 parenting rules boomers lived by—that Gen Z now sees as harmful – VegOut

We all inherit parenting wisdom from the generations before us—but what happens when yesterday’s “common-sense” rules start colliding with today’s research on child development and mental health?

As I talk with Gen Z parents (and a few who are simply watching their siblings raise kids), I keep hearing the same refrain: Some of the rules our boomer parents swore by? They’ve aged about as well as a milk carton in July.

If that makes you bristle, stay with me. Many boomers were doing their best using the information—and cultural norms—available at the time.

Yet new evidence shows that several once-standard practices can leave long-lasting scars. Below are seven of the biggest offenders and how we can replace them with approaches that nurture, rather than hinder, a child’s growth.

1. Spare the rod, spoil the child

I grew up in the era when a wooden spoon—permanently posted on the fridge with a magnet—served as an all-purpose disciplinary threat.

Back then, spanking was framed as loving correction. But modern research has upended that logic.

As the American Academy of Pediatrics puts it, corporal punishment “increases aggression in young children and is ineffective in teaching a child responsibility and self-control.”

Instead of reaching for physical punishment, today’s parents lean on age-appropriate consequences, problem-solving conversations, and skill-building (think: using calm-down corners or practicing an apology).

It’s slower work, but it teaches self-regulation—the very trait boomers hoped to instill with a swat.

2. Children should be seen and not heard

Ever get shushed at the dinner table for daring to correct an adult? Silence was equated with respect.

Yet stifling a child’s voice can smother their sense of agency. Developmental psychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel reminds us that kids flourish when they feel “seen, safe, soothed, and secure.”

Giving children space to ask questions, express disagreement (politely!), and share emotions sets the stage for healthy boundaries later in life. I’ve found that when I truly listen to a child’s viewpoint—even if the answer is still “no”—the power struggle often fizzles.

3. Boys don’t cry

My little brother once took a tumble, eyes welling up, only to be met with, “Toughen up—big boys don’t cry.”

We now know that message can be devastating. Psychologist Niobe Way’s decades-long research shows that suppressing vulnerability in boys fuels loneliness and can spike risks for depression and violence.

Gen Z parents are normalizing every child’s full emotional range. When we encourage sons (and daughters) to name feelings—sad, scared, embarrassed—we’re teaching emotional literacy, not weakness.

4. Finish everything on your plate

Raised on post-war scarcity stories, many boomers insisted we polish off every pea.

Unfortunately, forcing kids to ignore internal hunger cues can sow the seeds for disordered eating.

Today’s nutritionists recommend the “division of responsibility”: parents decide what and when food is served; children decide how much they’ll eat.

A quick gut-check: do you still hear your parents’ voices scolding you for leaving a few bites? Try letting the next generation trust their bodies instead.

5. Because I said so

Authoritarian edicts save time—no arguing, no messy explanations.

But they also shut down critical thinking.

I remember parroting “Why?” once too often and earning a grounding that lasted a week. Gen Z caregivers, shaped by collaborative workplaces and diverse classrooms, prefer explaining the why behind rules.

No, you don’t need to negotiate every bedtime. Yet a brief rationale (“Sleep helps your brain grow—lights out at eight”) teaches logic and respect. Kids who understand reasoning are more likely to internalize the value, not just obey under surveillance.

6. Privacy is a privilege, not a right

Boomer parents thought nothing of reading diaries or barging into bedrooms without knocking—“I’m your mother; nothing in this house is private.”

Constant surveillance erodes trust. When kids believe every misstep will be exposed, they hide bigger secrets.

Building mutual respect—knock first, ask before scrolling their texts—signals that your child’s thoughts and boundaries matter. The payoff? They’re far more willing to share the stuff that actually worries you.

7. Success equals straight A’s and a “respectable” job

Finally, the gold-plated rule: grades and career prestige trump everything.

Boomers, shaped by economic expansion, pushed kids toward secure paths—accountant, engineer, doctor. Gen Z has watched workplaces destabilize and mental-health crises explode. They’re redefining success as sustainable well-being and values-driven work.

I’ve chatted with twenty-something parents who’d rather their child be a fulfilled park-ranger than a burned-out lawyer.

They still value effort and discipline, but they prioritize curiosity, adaptability, and joy—the very ingredients the future workforce actually rewards.

Final thoughts

If you grew up under these rules, please don’t read this as an indictment of your parents.

Most did the best they could with the knowledge they had. But science, culture, and our collective understanding evolve. As caregivers—and self-development junkies—we get to iterate.

So next time you feel the urge to echo, “Because I said so,” pause. Ask yourself: Does this build my child’s resilience…or simply replicate yesterday’s script? Small shifts today can spare the next generation years of unlearning.

That, to me, is progress worth passing down.