The holidays can be a time for joy and connection, but they can also bring stress, anxiety and depression. Navigate the season’s challenges and take care of your mental health using these tips.
Set realistic expectations for the holidays
There can be a disconnect with how we think the holidays should be and how the experience actually turns out.
How you can manage your expectations:
- Practice gratitude and self-compassion. This will help you to focus more on the positive aspects of your life, and less on the negatives. Maybe you’re excited to host a big holiday gathering but have a smaller turnout than expected. That can feel disappointing, and practicing gratitude can help you enjoy the positives. Also, try to be the best friend of yourself you can be. For example, you can say to yourself “I did the best with what I had in that moment”.
- Let go of our expectations of others. Managing our expectations of others can be especially stressful during the holidays. We can’t control other’s actions, but we can try to control our own expectations. Letting go of what we would like others to do will help ease this stress. Letting go is a mental habit that can be cultivated. It gets a bit easier the more we practice.
- Be flexible. The holiday season comes with many festivities and gatherings. A flexible mindset is helpful to maintain mental health during this time. Perhaps a loved one won’t be able to see you on Christmas Day. Remain flexible and plan a post-holiday brunch or exchange gifts on New Year’s Day instead.
Set boundaries
Tense topics and expectation differences can make the holidays especially stressful. Setting boundaries can feel awkward, especially with loved ones. But in the long run it’s a helpful way to manage this stress. Generally speaking, this can also be hard in certain cultures, in which close-knit and interdependent relationships is highly valued.
How to set boundaries during the holidays:
- Recognize that certain loved ones may always be difficult. Set a personal boundary to limit how much you will engage with them.
- Set boundaries around expectations. Some loved ones place expectations on us that cause stress. Perhaps you have a family member who expects you to spend each holiday with them. Manage these expectations by setting a boundary and coming up with a compromise. For example, let them know you are spending Thanksgiving elsewhere but would love to see them for Hannukah.
- Set boundaries about topics of conversation. Topics like politics and current affairs can create anxiety and tension. Setting boundaries can ease this tension and allow an enjoyable gathering for everyone.
How you can set a boundary about stressful topics:
- One option is to set the boundary before the gathering takes place. You can say, “I’m looking forward to seeing you this holiday. Politics are a hot topic right now, and I realize it can lead to stressful conversation. I would love it if we left that at the door when we see each other. I don’t want that to get in the way of us spending quality time together and enjoying ourselves.”
Sometimes a tense topic is brought up unexpectedly. Here are ways you can set a boundary, with yourself or with others, in the moment:
- “I would love it if we changed the subject. I realize it’s an important topic but think there’s a better time and place to talk about it.”
- “Can we talk about something less tense? How about travel? Do you have any fun trips planned in the new year?”
- You can also simply excuse yourself and join a different conversation instead.
Learn more about setting boundaries
Take care of yourself
The holidays are busy. This is why it’s especially important to take care of yourself, both physically and mentally. This will allow you to more thoroughly enjoy the festivities and gatherings. If you have religious or spiritual practices, do engage in those activities, by yourself or with your faith community.
How you can take care of yourself during the holidays:
- Eat nutritious meals and stay hydrated. The holiday season comes with no shortage of sugary treats and drinks. A balanced diet will help you feel your best while enjoying delicious holiday treats.
- Say no. There is pressure to say yes to plans, especially during the holidays. If a plan causes you more stress than joy, give yourself permission to decline the invitation. Are you unsure of what to say? You can politely decline without giving a reason by saying, “I appreciate your invitation, but unfortunately I won’t be able to make it.” You can also say, “Thank you for thinking of me. Although I can’t make it, I hope you have a great time.”
- Check in with yourself. Are you feeling overwhelmed or stressed? Find ways to ease holiday anxiety and use them when these feelings arise. Activities like taking a walk, reading at home or attending your favorite workout class can help you reset and recharge.
Explore self-care tips to help manage anxiety
Share the happy memories
The holidays can also be a time of grief as people are aware of loved ones who have passed away. A strategy called reminiscence therapy can be helpful to remember those who have passed. To do this, acknowledge the loss and grief but don’t dwell on the sad memories. Focus more on the happy memories you’ve had with this person. Reminiscing and telling stories that celebrate this person will help lessen the grief. It will also include them in the holidays in a positive way.
Other ways to remember a loved one during the holidays include:
- Creating their favorite dish to share during a festive event.
- Set their photo up at the table during a holiday gathering.
- Lighting a candle in their memory.
- Volunteer for, or donate to, their favorite cause during the holiday season.
Connect with community
The holidays can create feelings of loneliness. This is especially true for those who no longer have family or live far away from loved ones. Finding a community is important for mental health this time of year. You can find community in many ways, including clubs, work, volunteering, workout classes and cultural centers. Many of these places also offer holiday events. This is a great opportunity to create connections during the season.
Help is available by dialing or texting 988
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, help can be reached 24 hours a day, seven days a week, by dialing or texting 988 from a smartphone. You can learn more about the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline on their website.
Explore more tips to reduce stress during the holidays
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This blog was medically reviewed by Andres Sciolla, professor of clinical psychiatry in our Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences.